Catsup Anyone?

When I was a kid, I would see grandmotherly women clutching their snap-shut purses. Their fingers clutched the tops of the bags as their bespectacled eyes darted from side to side daring anyone to try and unlock their grip. Being quite young and naïve, I just knew that those bags must contain gold or precious stones. What else could be so valuable that they were willing to risk life and limb to protect?

Now I know!

Hello. My name is Kay and I am a packet-holic.

I collect packets…artificial sweetener, sugar, crackers, mustard, catsup, honey, jelly, soy sauce, mayo, salad dressing … anything that comes in a packet.

I did not realize how this addiction had taken over my life until I went to get something out of my purse and had to empty an assortment of packets first. It was then that I suddenly realized what the women of my youth guarded so determinedly! They didn’t want anyone to get hold of their packets. Back then there were, sadly, few things packaged in packets so collections were limited to sugar, salt/pepper, and crackers.

 But now? Now the plethora of plentiful packets places a packet-holic in peril!

 I don’t know if anyone else has noticed this, but the more packet items available the bigger the purses! I don’t think this is a coincidence!

My addiction started harmlessly enough…a few sugars then the leftover crackers. Before long I had to clean out a drawer in my kitchen just for my stash. Sneaking the items into your bag is an art form in itself. While casually sitting at the restaurant table, you pick up the artificial sweetener – just to “check it out.” Then – very gradually you move the item to your hand that is closest to your purse. Lower the hand and into the purse it goes. I never take more than one or two packets of anything as I don’t want to take advantage.

Also, dining out decisions must include a thorough knowledge of what items each restaurant has available in packet form. One eatery may have BBQ sauce and horsey sauce; another has parmesan cheese and red pepper flakes, and still another specializes in packets for the salad lovers. I have had to resort to a chart just to keep track of the restaurant and the packet items provided

I don’t need any more packets, but I can’t resist the temptation of seeing condiments contained in cute convenient containers.

 I can’t get a bigger purse! The one I have now was made by Samsonite!

This addiction has begun to take a toll on me. I’m not sleeping. I dream that packets are piling up on me and I’m being suffocated by them. The catsup ones are the worst because there are so many!  I can’t throw them away because of all the packet condiment deprived people in the world.

Please help me!