I recently had an epiphany - my fat and I have developed a relationship based on mutual harmony and compatibility.
How have I come to this conclusion? I’ve tried to get rid of it twice in my life and it came back. Why would it want to leave? It doesn’t have to work, it has comfortable surroundings, and is nourished. I keep it warm in the winter and cool in the summer. Hey, if I had all that I wouldn’t want to leave!
I know what all the doctors and nutritionists say - being overweight is bad for you. They are right. But my fat has been with me since I was two and has “grown” with me. (pun intended!) Despite my “efforts” to send it packing, it loves me too much to leave.
Please don’t get me wrong - I would like to get rid of some of my fat. The problem is selection. It would be like having to select a friend to un-friend! Every bit of my cherub figure has a purpose. A smaller butt would be nice, but (pun intended) that extra layer of cushioning has come in quite handy in the past and I feel quite sure it will maintain its usefulness in the future. It gives me that extra couple of inches of height I need to see over the steering wheel of the car and it makes falling on it less painful. I also have the advantage of being able to sit longer than someone with a bony posterior.
The next obvious area of consideration would be tummy. If that were to go, where would I prop my book while I read or rest my bowl of ice cream while I watch “Biggest Loser?”
Boobs? No, they have been reduced already and what remains is needed to catch food that jumps off my utensils. Besides, the cleavage provides the perfect place to collect stray pieces of that delicious buttery movie popcorn for snacking at home.
Arms? Thighs? No, that wouldn’t work. Would a pumpkin look good with stick figure arms and legs? I think not.
Fingers!! That’s it! I will slim down my fingers! I may have to get my rings re-sized, but that’s a small price to pay for svelte digits. The time it has taken to type this has provided my fingers with enough exercise to have burned at least 10 calories!
My fingers deserve a break! I will allow them to rest while I sip on my fresh cup of coffee (with artificial sweetener) and a 5 pound box of Witman’s Samplers propped on my tummy. I did some on-line shopping and just got the 8-DVD set of Zumba exercise videos. Can’t wait to see them!
Mmm, coconut cream filled. It’s wonderful being in harmony with your body!
